Written by Kang Meixin: Translated by Gloria Lim Zhengli

I still remember that one day in April 2003: it was 1 am and I had just taken a hot shower right after finishing work. I entered the hotel’s lobby, intending to go back to my room. I put my red jacket (which I normally wear at work) on the box which is used by customers to put their feet up, and then went to the toilet. When I came out from the toilet, I saw one of my colleagues named “Xu” was lying on the box where I had just put my jacket - of course he lay on my jacket as well. He was expressionless and his face had turned a green colour. His arms hung down but both his legs were bent just like like he was sleeping on there. My two other colleague were beside him and trying to wake him up. At that time, I also understood something regards this incident from other people. Another of my colleagues and “Xu” were resting on the foyer’s sofa, when suddenly he noticed that “Xu” was struggling and not looking well as though he was having a nightmare. So he quickly asked another colleague to help him carry “Xu”. Despite their efforts, “Xu” did not show any response. So a few of my colleagues were discussing whether to carry “Xu” to the hospital as it was quite nearby; about two or three minutes away. After this discussion, one of my colleagues ran to the hospital with “Xu” in his arms. A group of us went with them to the hospital.

The hospital was extremely cold in the middle of the night. My colleague found a place and put “Xu” there. “Xu” still did not show any response as before. One doctor walked slowly toward “Xu”. He casually checked “Xu” twice and asked us who was to be responsible for this patient and said that person needed to pay the fees first before any treatment was given. "How could this be? A doctor should heal or at least do something to deal with the patient first, shouldn’t she?” Asked by myself without speaking aloud. But it was easy to observe that she did not have any intention to treat “Xu” first. “Is it money is more important than life? What the hell kind of community is this? I felt embarrassed and angry at the doctor’s attitude but we could not do anything about it and just stood there quietly. My brain was full of contradictions and I wished a miracle could come to save “Xu” from his coma. There was some hope for us as my colleague had contacted an emergency department by dialing 999. This news gave us a hope, but later our hopes were dashed again because of one sentence from the doctor who was in charge of “Xu”. ““Xu” is dead, but we will try our best to revive him!” said the Doctor. He started to give “Xu” defibrillation treatment to see whether he could revive “Xu”. Each instant that “Xu”’s body bounced, it gave me a feeling that he was going to awake again. But things went contrary to my wishes; the doctor had confirmed that “Xu”’s death was because of a lack of heart beat and a blocked blood vessel in his heart. Normally if the person suffers this kind of sickness, he or she should not be moved or carried by other person. Carrying the patient without properly knowledge will lead to serious consequences. This fatal mistake is the tragedy of “Xu” because we did not have proper medical knowledge.So who will be blamed for this tragedy? 

At that moment, there was not much sadness in my heart. It was not because of “Xu” was not my close relative. It was because I just do not want to admit that “Xu” had passed away. I still felt that he was alive with us as we were talking together but a few hours ago. I could still see his expression still in my mind.

The person in charge of the hotel had come and paid the bills. At that time, I remembered the first doctor’s attitude. I thought she should feel guilty over what she had done just now as one young life had just disappeared in front of us. Have the people who work in hospitals have faced too much of this, causing them to become more and more inhumane?

Basically, it was hard for me to fall asleep that night; I had a lot of things to think about and ultimately came to the conclusion that life is very fragile. It was gone within few minutes, but of course sometimes life is quite strong and stubborn as it is able to fight against incurable diseases or other difficulties in order to last longer. Is it possible that humans can change their destiny? If my life ends one day will other people have other perspectives of my death? Will they remember and miss me? Of course, I can’t get the answer to these questions right now. So ultimately, I have a conclusion which is: I can’t predict when my life will end, but I can enjoy my life, share my happiness with my relatives and friends before its end. If you are not happy, you still have 24 hours to pass each day. So if that is the case why choose to pass the 24 hours unhappy rather than live happily? Don’t you think so?

The next day after “Xu”'s death, all his family had come and I heard someone say that he had a one-year-old child. His younger brother looked exactly like him, which created an illusion that the yesterday's tragedy did not happen. They all looked very sad. The cruelest tragedy is that people lose their child when they heading to old age. I sincerely blessed them and wished them relief from their sadness as soon as possible. Hopefully they can remain healthy and safe all the time and I think this was also the wish of “Xu”

Because the death of “Xu” occurred at the time SARS started attacking Beijing, people who lived close by the hotel started a rumour that there was someone dead because of SARS in our department. Poor “Xu” that he had been falsly dismissed by rumour. Subsequently, we were treated like spreaders of plague. SARS did spread rapidly. In few days time, Beijing was changed. All the companies were not working, restaurants were closed, schools had been sealed, and all the workers went back to their own hometowns. Naturally, our hotel was also starting to dismiss its team members. I was delighted that I was able to stay behind and continue working to earn more money than the others as I was not fully aware of the seriousness of the situation. Previously, our department had around 200 people working together but now it was about 30 people left. The remaining people who continued working in the hotel took Tibetan medicine everyday, hopefully to prevent SARS. Nobody knows the exact effect of this medicine and since it does not bring any side effects to the people who use it, so it is considered safe for them, especially to those salesperson because it was a big opportunity for them to strike big profits from selling the medicine which at this crucial moment. All the medicines that could prevent SARS were in great demand. People are also busy purchasing food and products for daily use to be stored in their homes if the worst comes to the worst.

We were supposed to measure our body temperature everyday and keep a clear record of the body temperature for each one of us. No matter how we try to prevent, the bad news still falls on one of us. Angel’s body temperature was recorded as 37.8 degree Celsius. At this moment, she already very worried about her body temperature and yet there is still a guy who is joking with her asking her “could it be SARS?” The rest of us started to worry and Angels started to cry with fear. I can only comfort her not to worry too much although all of us are not sure whether she will be alright or not. Two days later, Angel’s body temperature back to normal. Eventually, she has changed back to her usual good mood and her smiling face again and I am also happy for her.

The numbers of people affected from SARS has been increasing rapidly by each day in Beijing. Obviously, the numbers of dead is also increasing rapidly. Due to this matter, girls like us who seldom read news, also changed to reading news everyday - especially about SARS. As the hospital is very near to us and also specially in charge of SARS patients, yet we even heard news saying that a household of five members staying behind a hospital were dead due to SARS. The thought of leaving Beijing is crossing our minds at this moment. The time is too late for us to leave and our family members called to tell us that we are not supposed to go back. As Beijing has the highest rate of SARS, if we were to go back to our hometown, we will be quarantined and we would be fined by the district customs. It is one way of prevention. We are helpless and so we must stay in Beijing.

As the time goes by, my birthday is approaching. I’m a person who treats birthdays very seriously, so I’m starting to plan for my birthday so that I will be able to create a happy occasion and let the people around me release their tensions and relax for a moment. On my birthday, Angel and I went to the supermarket to buy some food to celebrate my birthday. We have bought a lot of junk food, drinks and a bottle of red wine. The drinks that I bought brought us a good luck when I won a T-shirt. I am so happy because I seldom strike prizes although it is just a T-shirt. We celebrated my birthday at the meeting room on the ninth floor (the hotel has ten), arranged all the tables in a row and placed all the food on the tables. My best friend Wang Hong Rui, has specially ordered a big birthday cake for me. This is my first time having a birthday cake on my birthday because in the previously birthdays I had, my mum will usually made some dumplings for me. Angel has prepared my favorite chocolates for me and the rest of my friends have brought me birthday presents. I felt so pampered by them. Unexpectedly, in this situation, we can still have the time to prepare all these things on my birthday. After we had a bite, we gathered in a circle on the sofa and our lovely twin colleagues have brought numerous of performances. Then, we switched off the light and quietly we enjoyed a sing song from two of our Cantonese colleagues. After that, each one of us had sung our favorite song solo to the rest of us there. In the darkness, we turned on rock music to dance to and to hear our happiness in our laughter. Obviously, that night was the happiest night and most unforgettable birthday in my life.

My best friend Lee Lik was going back to Yunnan. She is one of my best friends and that is why I felt sad at her leaving. We are not sure whether we will be able to meet up again or not so we are going to leave our precious moments in a photo. On the journey to send off Lee Lik, all of us do not talk much and look at the scenery through the window while deep in thought. The moment we arrived in the airport, only then did I realize that SARS in Beijing is so scary. Everyone had put on their masks in the airport and some even put on those military masks like those the Japanese used when they invaded China. We even think that we were safer for not putting on masks. After saying some farewell words, Lee Lik carried her big white bear and boarded.

After Lee Lik returned to her hometown, her family suffered. Her whole family, including herself, was ordered not to step out of their house. Even her cousin, who once met up with her in Beijing, is not allowed to participate in an upcoming exam. I felt so helpless. At this point in time, I would prefer Beijing and think that it is much safer than other places. If you were to take public transport, there will be no worries because there would be only a driver, conductor and yourself like a private car as there were no people on the streets anymore. Furthermore, the public transport was being sterilized on every trip. At night, you could not imagine that a place like Beijing is just not much busier than a country area. It is so quiet like nobody was staying there.

During the free time, Angel and I went to the World’s Park. Due to SARS, the tickets were sold at a very low price and it gave me a chance to visit to a mini version of the tourist destinations of the world. There were the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Pyramids in Egypt, USA World Trade Centre, the Red Square in Russia and more. There are too few of people walking on the street and causing the streets to seem deserted due to the SARS issue and after we came home, the hotel management team even said that we went out and brought the virus back into the hotel. They think that locking themselves in their own house will be safest and who knows the open air is always better than in the house.

The SARS issue has decreased. People say that SARS is susceptible to high temperatures and that is why it has decreased. Some said that because they have found the correct measures to cure this virus. In summary, the sooner it is over the better so that there will be no more people suffering and losing their precious life. Occasionally, I met up with one of my Cantonese friends and we had a meal. He told me that his brother was a doctor, said that whoever it is having fever will be sent to the hospital and there are many people gathered together. The hospital management team failed to arrange the schedule for coping with the patients and overcoming the lack of helpers, causing those patients who were not affected by SARS to get infected later. Those who were weaker were vulnerable to the disease. The death rate was far more than what has been reported in the news. Maybe this is one of the reasons behind having such a high rate of SARS infection in Beijing at that time. Nobody has been able to confirm the accuracy of these rumors .

Lastly, I hope such disasters will not afflict humankind anymore!!!

LEFT: Meixin's workplace and home in 2002/3 RIGHT: Meixin and Angel, happy and well in 2007

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