This next section is excerpted from
casual messages sent to friends and family. This will give you
an idea of the landscape, the things I count as blessings, and
what I think of Tony, and Tasmania:
"it's really beautiful here. awe
inspiring mountains, pastoral valleys, bluer than imaginable skies,
eucalyptus and giant fern, all near the beaches too. crazy huh?
hard to believe? it's a strange climate, palm trees and evergreens
side be side. beaches and mountains. we live on a mountain, so
i'm not always as toasty as you may imagine. we have fires on the
nights that are unseasonably cool.
tasmania has experienced the driest
year to date and is now feeling the effects of so little rain fall
in '97. the headlines were sensational, a big banner reading "Flashpoint".
february is usually the month for bush fires, but it looks like
there could be some this month. this is extremely dangerous because
everything is so dry that the lichen is dying, the tree tops are
browning, pastures are golden brown. all this in a place where
the local weather joke is rain one day in four.
another thing that's dangerous about
the present situation is there are so many more people living in
the bush than during the big fires of '67, and '83. that sounds
like a great lesbian camp film title -"living in the bush".
ok, so i'm not that funny... it would take a month straight (haha)
of rain to reverse the effects of the whole year, but anything
at this point would help.
tony has so many things i've dreamed
of having, and he doesn't think it's that much. he keeps bees,
though perhaps a bit lazily. i want to bring some honey home with
me. he used to keep goats. he has 70 acres of land on the mountain,
including a stream, a fresh spring, forest, and some good paddock.
the view is awe inspiring from the
front porch. huge mountain ranges, and parts of the valley below
and beyond us. he wants to build some little dams on the path of
the spring run-off so that he can have two ponds and keep ducks.
it's great to hear his dreams for the land. this is a strange and
wondrous place. and i know already that i'm going to love my stay
here. tony is a gracious host. i feel relatively comfortable around
him, and in his home.
i've made it here safe, i'm happy where
i reside, so all i have to do is pass the month enjoyably and make
it home again. the goddess provides and i have total trust that
the universe is lifting me up.
Trying on dresses at
the Salamanca Market
on saturdays we go to the market in
salamanca place. that's a strip of art galleries and shops in warehouses
along the wharf. there are street musicians, produce stands, local
crafts, antiques, junk, breads, ice cream..... everything imaginable.
it has a carnival feel to it, and everyone goes mainly to be seen. " if
you stand in one spot long enough you'll see the entire population
of hobart", tony said jokingly. i'm picking up tassie phrases
and i speak like a native when we're out and about, so no one notices
i'm not tasmanian... at least i think that's the case. maybe i
sound ridiculous but tony hasn't laughed at me, and no one else
has said anything to me... so i must be doing all right.
Starting the second
week here....
we have a model, chelsea, coming today
for a session. i think i'll get to work with her on my own ideas
for part of the time. and if she's comfortable with it and i feel
up to it, we'll do a few poses together. it's interesting for me
to meet the people tony's sent me pictures of in recent months.
the energy dynamic is interesting too.
working together side by side, after i've posed for tony. he asked
me how i felt about seeing myself as an art object, when we were
developing prints. i said distant. i can distance myself from the
image and look at it for compositional strength, design elements,
and technical mastery. and when it's strong i can switch gears
and enjoy the picture of me personally.
very interesting.
it's like inhabiting two worlds and
the third largest new one is this strange, familiar, beautiful
land that surrounds and supports me. i told tony that living alone
with a male is strange for me... something i haven't done since
1995. he's a good host and i feel 97% comfortable here, but i am
missing my friends, affection, and the company of women. i have
really strong boundaries with tony and it feels necessary to maintain
those. i mean it's a weird energy dynamic to uphold, working side
by side, being on both sides of the camera and then living together
as new acquaintances. it's challenging, and so far has gone very
smoothly.... he likes having female energy in the house, and he's
humble and gracious.
i want all of you to have the abundance
of calm that you'll find when you let go and trust that the universe
provides for her children. i am safe here, and our personal boundaries
are very clear and we feel comfortable together.
we spend our days talking and watching
rented movies, processing and shooting photos, i devour his great
collection of art books and journals. we take meals together mostly.
i'm taking in so much information and thinking about art in all
its expressions. january is the month of festivals in hobart. music,
dance, arts... you name it it's here. we have the choice of the
lot, and have enjoyed some really great events already.
With the third week
well under way:
i'm feeling a little lonely and isolated.
i can handle a month in the bush. i can handle living with tony
and the cats. but today we met with one of his former models. she's
great, but the introduction just made me painfully aware of the
fact that i will probably go a month without physical human contact...
no hugs or anything, and that's hard because i'm raised on four
hugs a day minimum. anything less is a deficiency. i have really
strong boundaries with tony, maybe a bit austere, but i have to
balance on the tightrope that is the energies between us... a working
relationship, age difference, professionalism, new acquaintances,
gender, sexual preference... what it boils down to is that i'm
terribly lonely for touch. i'll need extra lovin when i come back
to the states. right now i think i just need to have a good cry.
this trip has been worth the hard work
and the trust i had to extend with and place in another person.
i am already anticipating further adventures. i know that my presence
here will not be soon forgotten. as lonely as i am, tony will be
twice so when i'm gone again. it's hard to be used to relative
solitude, and then become accustomed to someone else's company,
only to have them disappear into the blue once more. the cats have
accepted my presence, and will probably be confused when i leave.
i saw a new constellation last night,
one never seen in the northern hemisphere. the southern cross.
the sky is beautiful. and orion's hanging out down here too.
Now the final week
is slipping by:
i am getting excited by too many possibilities.
going home will be hard. i've met some really amazing people. i've
seen countless art openings, great bands playing in local pubs,
photographed strange animals, gone swimming at a great beach...
i'm spending this weekend in a tepee in cygnet (a town maybe 30km
south of crabtree), with a new friend. i finally got a call responding
to my ad, posted at a whole food cafe' in hobart, requesting life
models. i want to set up a shoot in time to make prints for this
web page. tony and i just
went through a short and stressful time where i wasn't sure i wanted
to stay here the rest of the time. but we talked it through, and
the reason i wanted to split early was that i miss being in a family
style living situation. i'm missing my own family, and need a surrogate
until i can be home again. i leave in such a short time. i knew
this would happen, the cliche' of making connections with others
right before you have to leave. so i'm trying to juggle getting
the most out of this internship, and spending time exploring friendships
with people i've just met. still, tony and i've really had a good
time together. i recommend this kind of experience to artists who
are willing to share their homes, lives, and knowledge, and to
young artists who are ready to explore and grow and learn as much
as they can. it has been cathartic.
thanks for letting me follow a dream.
it's all been so worth the effort.
